Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
