My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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