did you get engaged???
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
