she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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