This girl is more easily done than said...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
