You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
