True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
