I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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