I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
