does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
