So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize