So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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