My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
