well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
