tonight lets celebrate not being married
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
