Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
