Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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