Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
