Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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