all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
did i just pee glitter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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