the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
