It's Friday. Sex?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
