Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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