I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
