Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
