Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
