Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
