i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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