My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
