I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize