I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
