I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize