It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
