it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize