Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
