dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
