wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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