True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
