You're my little dorito
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
