WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
