fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
