And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
