The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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