I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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