Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
