eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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