Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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