in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
