That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
