oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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