Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
