Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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