Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
