my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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