So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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