so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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