he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize