your parents love me but you hate me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
