i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
