Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
