I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We got so high we made milksteak
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
