went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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