normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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