this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize