There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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