You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
