the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
