Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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